My unfinished letter for J***:
Dear J***,
I’m looking at the star studded sky right now, staring hard into it, hoping that you too might be looking at the same set of stars that have beautifully curtained the sky like sparkling diamonds in the night. The stars remind me so much of your eyes, how beautiful it glints, and how deep it could go like the universe. Sitting here, the night breeze didn't excuse itself from giving me chills. This cold moment would make me wish no more than to have someone here beside me, warming me like a lover and rocking me like a child. I’m having a picturesque scene with the moment but even if the night didn't intend to make me drown in nostalgia, it just so seemed that I was called to your memory. And by so saying, let me begin to convey my thoughts.
Life began when I started to know you, and it ended the moment I failed to keep my relationship with you affable. You came into my life so perfectly that I could not desire for anything more beautiful to happen because I know it already had. I shared illustrious moments with you, moments you were very much willing to give. It was something that meant so much to me, something that I am eternally thankful for. Remember the time I asked you out for a quick grab in the city,? I likened that moment to a lyrical song; it keeps on playing in my thoughts. There was never a dull second spent with you. I do not know how say this but the moment I stared into your eyes that afternoon, the moment the dim-lit room caught your eyes reflection, I already knew that my heart was bound for something immense. And if I’m to make myself respectably clear, I’ve fallen for you in the purest intentions there are. I know, I am not supposed to fall in love with someone who considers me as a friend, but things like these are beyond our control and hearts do not do well when tamed. I hid my feelings knowing that all you could offer is pure friendship and concern and beyond that would be favorably expressed in the manner you know best.
Right now my heart is sacked with emotions because i know that this is the time that I should face the shattering part of love’s cycle, letting go. I am letting go not of our relationship as friends but I am letting go of the feelings I have for you. It did not take me long to realize that I have loved you more that a friend, and that I was already headed towards obvious dangers. I know I have to stop this because if I continue I would be wading in the waters of uncertainty. I do not know if you feel repulse or empathy towards the situation but when it comes to love, I do not know a lot of things, I am uncertain of a lot of things, I am only charged with experiences. However if there is one thing that I am certain of, it is that I cannot ask or yet even demand for love in return because I know that I would be making myself unfair with our relationship as friends. I value our friendship more than my emotions that’s why I chose to keep myself silent so that things would happen as they should.
So why write a letter? I just want to. I want you to know that every time you feel rejected or alone, there is someone who has always kept you beside a caring heart. I also want you to know that amidst all, I have always included you in my prayers that you may be safe from harms way.
( unguarded, tears fell down my face and I decided to stop writing and just kept the letter, until now...)
